Husbands: Love, Wash & Sanctify Your Wives
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church…”
Notice the directive from the verse beginning, “Husbands.” This is to a specific group of people. Men who have made a covenant with their wives. Men who have made a commitment.
Then the Apostle Paul goes on to say, “Husbands, love…” We see a direct order to a direct group of people. Very specific. An action. Not just think about loving. Not just to have good intentions to love. Not just to force yourself to love. But to love — agapaō. A specific directive to a specific group of people to do a specific action to a specific people — “Husbands, love your wives…”
Your wife is a gift from God. The same way that grace is a gift from God. You do not deserve your wife. And as soon as you start thinking that she doesn’t deserve you, then you begin down a path of selfishness, ungratefulness and what leads to divorce. Not only is marriage a gift from God, but your wife is a gift from God. Does she know that? Do you make her feel that way?
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church…”
Everything in this text is a picture of what Christ has done for His bride. And husbands, we should strive to treat our wives in the same manner that we are treated by Jesus Christ. This passage is a description of how Christ has loved His bride and how we are to love our wives. We are going to see a very specific purpose for marriage, and you are going to have a very intentional opportunity to make some commitments in your marriage. If you will submit to the Apostle Paul’s teaching, your marriage can be transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
This is the first description that we see of how Christ loved His bride. Christ “gave Himself up for her..” He sacrificed Himself. He sacrificed His life for His bride. And notice that Christ didn’t make a sacrifice for His bride in order that He could hold something over our heads. Husbands, we have a tendency to do this. We do things for our wives in order to get what we want. And this is not true sacrifice. See, in the same way that your wife has surrendered herself to you and your leadership, you must sacrifice yourself for her.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her…”
So, here is the purpose. This is the purpose of what Christ has done. Christ gave Himself up for us, so that we might have a relationship with Him and spend eternity with Him. “For this is the will of God: your sanctification” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). And in the same way, the purpose of our marriage is sanctification. That we might grow spiritually together in Christ. That we might strive to abide in the Word of God together. That we might sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron. That we might hold each other accountable to living our the Word of God together. That we might reflect Christ in our marriage to the world. Christ gave Himself up for the church, so that He might sanctify her.
Husbands, we are to love our wives, so that we might grow together in our sanctification. The same way that you need Christ to have sacrificed Himself for you, your wife needs you to sacrifice yourself for her. She needs you to lead. She needs you to take your rightful place as the head of the household. This passage is a clear teaching on the structure of the household and of the church. And this order is not held together by power. Verse 25 does not say, “Husbands, hold your authority over your wives in order to reflect the Kingship of Christ.” No! It says, “Love your wife!” Sacrifice for your wife! Die for your wife! And in this way, you will lead your wife in her spiritual growth.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…”
So, this is the first description of this sanctification process that we are seeing. How are you as a believer sanctified in your spiritual life? By the washing of the Word. You need to be in the Word of God! You need to be abiding in the Word of God daily! This is a part of your sanctification. This is how you remove that filth of this world away from you and you put on the righteousness of Jesus Christ each day. We must be studying the Word of God! Paul is describing being in the Word of God as “washing of water” — cleansing, refreshing, purifying… Just like we need to bathe every day, we need to be washed in the Word every single day.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor…”
So, we see that the purpose of our marriage is sanctification. And we are seeing some direct specifics of how we are to strive for a picture of sanctification in our marriage. Christ sacrificed Himself for us. Christ sanctifies us through His Word. And Christ wants to present us to Himself in splendor.
Are these things that you want for your spouse? Husbands, do you have this desire for your wife? Do you long to present her in splendor?
The word for “splendor” is “endoxos.” It means: “in all glory” or “gorgeously.” In other words, the glory of your wife, the beauty of your wife is in her sanctification. Ladies, your splendor, your glory, your beauty is in your sanctification. You can try to be a skinny as you want. You can try to dress as immodestly as you want. You can try to impress as many people as you want by the way you look. But if you are not being washed in the Word daily and if your husband is not sacrificing himself for you and seeking your beauty in your sanctification, then you are seen by God as nothing but ugly and imperfect.
As the bride of Christ, we are only seen by God as righteous because of the righteousness of Jesus Christ that covers us. And wives are only truly seen in their splendor and beauty when their worth is found in their sanctification.
So often, ladies will seek attention from the public eye because this is where they find their worth, their value in life. Husbands, do not allow this to happen to your wife. She must know that you value her for her sanctification. And if she doesn’t see value in sanctification, then you need to introduce her to the Sanctifier, the Justifier, the Savior. Ladies, your worth is not what is external, but what is internal.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
The goal of the Christian husband should be that his wife is holy. That is what Christ wants from us. “Walk in a manner that is worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” And our calling is to holiness. To appear blameless before God. To walk in sanctification. To be washed in the Word daily. Just as Christ desires for us to “Walk in a manner that is worthy of our calling,” husbands, you should desire for your wife to “Walk in a manner that is worthy of her calling.”
Does it matter to you? Does your wife’s walk with the Lord matter to you? Do you even talk about the things of God? Do you make a commitment with each other to read the Word together?
Ladies, you should strive to be a submissive wife, that is, a surrendering wife. Surrendering yourself to Christ. Surrendering your looks to Christ. Surrendering your desires for attention to Christ. Surrendering your worldly desires of this life to Christ.
Ladies, part of your husband leading is you putting yourself in a position to follow. Are you encouraging your husband to lead? Do you show honor and respect to your husband? Do you care? Does it matter to you whether your husband is a spiritual leader or not? Have you ever talked about it?
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
My hope and desire is that you look at this short passage right here and see Christ. I hope that you see the importance of your marriage. I hope that you see that your marriage has a purpose. I hope that you see that there is more than just getting through each day in your marriage. I hope that you understand that if you are not striving for sanctification in your marriage, then you are not reflecting Christ.
Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church. And sacrifice yourself for your wife. And strive to be in the Word of God with your wife. And desire to present her to God based on her holiness. Show your wife that you value her for her desire to serve Christ.
Wives, surrender to your husband. Give him confidence to lead. You must desire Christ, not attention, not power, not money, not freedom, not anything that this world offers. If you want to be a godly wife, then you need to desire Christ.
Notice the directive from the verse beginning, “Husbands.” This is to a specific group of people. Men who have made a covenant with their wives. Men who have made a commitment.
Then the Apostle Paul goes on to say, “Husbands, love…” We see a direct order to a direct group of people. Very specific. An action. Not just think about loving. Not just to have good intentions to love. Not just to force yourself to love. But to love — agapaō. A specific directive to a specific group of people to do a specific action to a specific people — “Husbands, love your wives…”
Your wife is a gift from God. The same way that grace is a gift from God. You do not deserve your wife. And as soon as you start thinking that she doesn’t deserve you, then you begin down a path of selfishness, ungratefulness and what leads to divorce. Not only is marriage a gift from God, but your wife is a gift from God. Does she know that? Do you make her feel that way?
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church…”
Everything in this text is a picture of what Christ has done for His bride. And husbands, we should strive to treat our wives in the same manner that we are treated by Jesus Christ. This passage is a description of how Christ has loved His bride and how we are to love our wives. We are going to see a very specific purpose for marriage, and you are going to have a very intentional opportunity to make some commitments in your marriage. If you will submit to the Apostle Paul’s teaching, your marriage can be transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”
This is the first description that we see of how Christ loved His bride. Christ “gave Himself up for her..” He sacrificed Himself. He sacrificed His life for His bride. And notice that Christ didn’t make a sacrifice for His bride in order that He could hold something over our heads. Husbands, we have a tendency to do this. We do things for our wives in order to get what we want. And this is not true sacrifice. See, in the same way that your wife has surrendered herself to you and your leadership, you must sacrifice yourself for her.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her…”
So, here is the purpose. This is the purpose of what Christ has done. Christ gave Himself up for us, so that we might have a relationship with Him and spend eternity with Him. “For this is the will of God: your sanctification” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). And in the same way, the purpose of our marriage is sanctification. That we might grow spiritually together in Christ. That we might strive to abide in the Word of God together. That we might sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron. That we might hold each other accountable to living our the Word of God together. That we might reflect Christ in our marriage to the world. Christ gave Himself up for the church, so that He might sanctify her.
Husbands, we are to love our wives, so that we might grow together in our sanctification. The same way that you need Christ to have sacrificed Himself for you, your wife needs you to sacrifice yourself for her. She needs you to lead. She needs you to take your rightful place as the head of the household. This passage is a clear teaching on the structure of the household and of the church. And this order is not held together by power. Verse 25 does not say, “Husbands, hold your authority over your wives in order to reflect the Kingship of Christ.” No! It says, “Love your wife!” Sacrifice for your wife! Die for your wife! And in this way, you will lead your wife in her spiritual growth.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…”
So, this is the first description of this sanctification process that we are seeing. How are you as a believer sanctified in your spiritual life? By the washing of the Word. You need to be in the Word of God! You need to be abiding in the Word of God daily! This is a part of your sanctification. This is how you remove that filth of this world away from you and you put on the righteousness of Jesus Christ each day. We must be studying the Word of God! Paul is describing being in the Word of God as “washing of water” — cleansing, refreshing, purifying… Just like we need to bathe every day, we need to be washed in the Word every single day.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor…”
So, we see that the purpose of our marriage is sanctification. And we are seeing some direct specifics of how we are to strive for a picture of sanctification in our marriage. Christ sacrificed Himself for us. Christ sanctifies us through His Word. And Christ wants to present us to Himself in splendor.
Are these things that you want for your spouse? Husbands, do you have this desire for your wife? Do you long to present her in splendor?
The word for “splendor” is “endoxos.” It means: “in all glory” or “gorgeously.” In other words, the glory of your wife, the beauty of your wife is in her sanctification. Ladies, your splendor, your glory, your beauty is in your sanctification. You can try to be a skinny as you want. You can try to dress as immodestly as you want. You can try to impress as many people as you want by the way you look. But if you are not being washed in the Word daily and if your husband is not sacrificing himself for you and seeking your beauty in your sanctification, then you are seen by God as nothing but ugly and imperfect.
As the bride of Christ, we are only seen by God as righteous because of the righteousness of Jesus Christ that covers us. And wives are only truly seen in their splendor and beauty when their worth is found in their sanctification.
So often, ladies will seek attention from the public eye because this is where they find their worth, their value in life. Husbands, do not allow this to happen to your wife. She must know that you value her for her sanctification. And if she doesn’t see value in sanctification, then you need to introduce her to the Sanctifier, the Justifier, the Savior. Ladies, your worth is not what is external, but what is internal.
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
The goal of the Christian husband should be that his wife is holy. That is what Christ wants from us. “Walk in a manner that is worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” And our calling is to holiness. To appear blameless before God. To walk in sanctification. To be washed in the Word daily. Just as Christ desires for us to “Walk in a manner that is worthy of our calling,” husbands, you should desire for your wife to “Walk in a manner that is worthy of her calling.”
Does it matter to you? Does your wife’s walk with the Lord matter to you? Do you even talk about the things of God? Do you make a commitment with each other to read the Word together?
Ladies, you should strive to be a submissive wife, that is, a surrendering wife. Surrendering yourself to Christ. Surrendering your looks to Christ. Surrendering your desires for attention to Christ. Surrendering your worldly desires of this life to Christ.
Ladies, part of your husband leading is you putting yourself in a position to follow. Are you encouraging your husband to lead? Do you show honor and respect to your husband? Do you care? Does it matter to you whether your husband is a spiritual leader or not? Have you ever talked about it?
“25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
My hope and desire is that you look at this short passage right here and see Christ. I hope that you see the importance of your marriage. I hope that you see that your marriage has a purpose. I hope that you see that there is more than just getting through each day in your marriage. I hope that you understand that if you are not striving for sanctification in your marriage, then you are not reflecting Christ.
Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church. And sacrifice yourself for your wife. And strive to be in the Word of God with your wife. And desire to present her to God based on her holiness. Show your wife that you value her for her desire to serve Christ.
Wives, surrender to your husband. Give him confidence to lead. You must desire Christ, not attention, not power, not money, not freedom, not anything that this world offers. If you want to be a godly wife, then you need to desire Christ.
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