The Mystery of Marriage
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:28-32
"28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
This is the first of two concluding statements, which rounds out this passage on marriage. We will see this again in verse 33. Notice the phrase “in the same way.” Meaning, that exactly like Christ loves His bride, we are to love our wives. And the concluding thought is that in doing this, it will be well with you. And the reason that it will be well with you is because this is how God designed for marriage to be. When we decide that culture plays a more significant role in our marriage than the Bible, then it will not be well with you. When you decide that looks are more important than holiness, then it will not be well with you. When you decide that your own selfish agenda is more important that washing yourself in the Word, then it will not be well with you. If your marriage is not well today, it is because you are allowing this culture to dictate what your marriage looks like and you are not striving for the splendor and the beauty of the bride of Christ.
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
We are to love our wife the same way that Christ loves us. The comparison of Christ to the church is with the husband and the wife. The direct comparison to Christ here is the husband. Husbands, you are playing the role of Christ. You are to love your wife in a way that is equal to how Christ loves you. You are to love your wife sacrificially. Your desires are secondary. Your wants and needs are secondary. Or more importantly, you should want what she wants. You should desire what she desires. You should want to put her first. You are to love your wife wholly. That is, not just in show. Don’t just love your wife by allowing her to pick the restaurant and calling it love. Don’t just do things that are symbolic to love. Truly love her wholly! And you are to love your wife only. God loves you individually. And husbands, you should love your wife individually. There should be no selfish or sexual desire that comes between you and your wife. She is given to you as a gift. Love her only.
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies…”
Specifically here is the description of “loving your wife as your own body.” Well, how does this reflect Christ? Are you telling me that Christ loved himself? Isn’t that selfish. We need to understand this — Jesus Christ knew the value of His physical body. His physical body was necessary. His physical body was needed. Without the physical body of Christ, we would not have a spotless lamb who became the atonement for our sins. The body of Jesus Christ was valuable! Husbands, we are being compared to this body. Our value is being compared to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Our purpose and mission is being directly compared to what Jesus did for us on the cross. You have a purpose. You are valuable. You have a mission from God to love your wife!
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
The reason that we love our wife as our own body is because we should value our wife. We are not greater than our wife. We are partners. The purpose of this statement that Paul is making here is that just as we as believers are one in Christ, so a wife is one in her husband.
John MacArthur described it like this: “The Lord provides for His church because it is so intimately and inseparably connected to Him. If he did not care for His church, He would be diminishing His own glory, which the church brings to Him by praise and obedience. So, in marriage, the husband’s life is so intimately joined to His wife’s that they are one. When he cares for her, he cares for himself.”
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church…”
Think about what Paul is saying here. “No one ever hated his own flesh.” That includes Jesus Christ! He didn’t die because he hated his own flesh. He sacrificed Himself because he loved us! So, the place we need to start, when understanding our marriage is how Christ loves, nourishes and cherishes us! Right? I mean, even though this is a specific study on marriage, everything here is pointing to Christ! So, how does Christ love you and nourish you and cherish you?
Well, we know He does this through sacrifice. Do you sacrifice for your spouse? We know Christ loves us even though we do not deserve it. Is you marriage based on a reward system? Do you treat your spouse differently based on how they do their chores around the house? Do you love your spouse more based on what type of a present they give you for your birthday? We know that Christ nourishes us through His Word. Is your marriage based on being washed in the Word daily? Do you spend any time at all in the Word of God together? Do you even talk about the things of God? We know that Jesus cherishes us so greatly that He died for us. Do you cherish your spouse above your own desires? Do you cherish your spouse above your own wants? Do you cherish your spouse more than you cherish your own life?
“29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.”
There is a lot to understand here as we talk about the body of Christ. Remember back to Ephesians 4 to study the body of Christ. This is what Paul is referring us back to. Ephesians 4:11 — “11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love."
So, what we see here is that the believers in Christ have been given pastors, shepherds and teachers for the purpose of equipping the saints for the work of the ministry. Or as it says here in verse 12… “for the building up of the body of Christ.” And the goal starts in verse 13… “until we all attain to the unity of faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God…” The goal is that we will grow spiritually! That is the purpose of a local body of believers. To come together, to encourage one another to love and good works and to equip one another for the work of the ministry. And as members of the body of Christ, we are nourished and cherished and loved by Christ!
Now, take that same concept and understand your marriage. You are to nourish one another. You are to build one another up. You are to encourage one another. You are to reflect the body of Christ together as a married couple! You see, just as each member in the church body are not given gifts for our own benefit, but for each other, in the same way, you have been given gifts for your spouse’s benefit! The picture of marriage is the same as the body of Christ! Or as it says here, “Christ and the church.”
Christ is the head of the church. That is, Christ is the head of the body. And each of us are a part of the body of Christ. God has made us, as new creations, part of the body of Christ! Understand who we are in Christ. Understand you are in regards to the local body of believers. It is important.
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 ‘Therefore…’”
That is, since we are members of the body of Christ. That is, since we are serving one another in the body of Christ. That is, since we are direct reflection of the way that Christ loves us. That is, since your marriage should be a mirror image of the way that Christ loves the church. “Therefore…”
“31 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’”
When you are saved, you are made one in Christ. Also, you are made one with the saints. And the physical picture of the invisible church is the local body of believers. That is, when you join the local church, you are a physical representation of what it looks like to be one in Christ. This is how a covenant in marriage is very similar to a covenant of membership with the local church. Our marriage should be a reflection of Jesus Christ because we are one with each other. And our membership with the local church should be a reflection of Jesus Christ because we are one with Christ and one with each other.
Paul pulls from Genesis 2:24 in saying, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” The purpose of this statement in Genesis was to foreshadow the covenant relationship between Jesus Christ and his bride, The Church. Just as a man leaves his family in order to be united with his wife, Christ left His Father and came to unite Himself with His bride. And the most glorious part of this is that Jesus Christ has returned to His Father after united with us, meaning that we will dwell in the presence of God forever.
Look at the instruction here to “leave his father and mother…” This represents what is comfortable. This represents what is safe. Your marriage should not be comfortable. It should be a reflection of Christ on this earth. This was not Christ’s home. And this is not your home. Christ was actually a missionary on this earth. And your marriage should reflect that of a missionary. You and your spouse are a missionary team! You two are in a foreign land and you are Ambassadors of the King of kings.
The next instructions here are to “hold fast to your wife…” You are a team. As a matter of fact, you have become one together. And your mission together is not to simply get through this life. Your mission together is not to raise your kids. Your mission together is not to get through each day. Your mission together is not to tolerate one another… Your mission is the same as Christ’s mission. — to reconcile the world to God. You, as a team of Ambassadors, have been given the ministry of reconciliation. You are to go into this foreign land an implore the world to be reconciled to God. This is your charge. This is your mission. This is your purpose as a married couple. This is the mystery of marriage that is revealed to us
"32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Even though we are talking about marriage, Paul is mostly talking about the church itself. The local church body is to leave what is comfortable and hold fast to Christ. We are to be devoted to one another in the body of Christ the exact same way that a man and a woman are married. This is why a local church body has a church covenant. It is a serious commitment. It is hard. But it is Biblical. This mystery is profound.
This is the first of two concluding statements, which rounds out this passage on marriage. We will see this again in verse 33. Notice the phrase “in the same way.” Meaning, that exactly like Christ loves His bride, we are to love our wives. And the concluding thought is that in doing this, it will be well with you. And the reason that it will be well with you is because this is how God designed for marriage to be. When we decide that culture plays a more significant role in our marriage than the Bible, then it will not be well with you. When you decide that looks are more important than holiness, then it will not be well with you. When you decide that your own selfish agenda is more important that washing yourself in the Word, then it will not be well with you. If your marriage is not well today, it is because you are allowing this culture to dictate what your marriage looks like and you are not striving for the splendor and the beauty of the bride of Christ.
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
We are to love our wife the same way that Christ loves us. The comparison of Christ to the church is with the husband and the wife. The direct comparison to Christ here is the husband. Husbands, you are playing the role of Christ. You are to love your wife in a way that is equal to how Christ loves you. You are to love your wife sacrificially. Your desires are secondary. Your wants and needs are secondary. Or more importantly, you should want what she wants. You should desire what she desires. You should want to put her first. You are to love your wife wholly. That is, not just in show. Don’t just love your wife by allowing her to pick the restaurant and calling it love. Don’t just do things that are symbolic to love. Truly love her wholly! And you are to love your wife only. God loves you individually. And husbands, you should love your wife individually. There should be no selfish or sexual desire that comes between you and your wife. She is given to you as a gift. Love her only.
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies…”
Specifically here is the description of “loving your wife as your own body.” Well, how does this reflect Christ? Are you telling me that Christ loved himself? Isn’t that selfish. We need to understand this — Jesus Christ knew the value of His physical body. His physical body was necessary. His physical body was needed. Without the physical body of Christ, we would not have a spotless lamb who became the atonement for our sins. The body of Jesus Christ was valuable! Husbands, we are being compared to this body. Our value is being compared to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Our purpose and mission is being directly compared to what Jesus did for us on the cross. You have a purpose. You are valuable. You have a mission from God to love your wife!
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
The reason that we love our wife as our own body is because we should value our wife. We are not greater than our wife. We are partners. The purpose of this statement that Paul is making here is that just as we as believers are one in Christ, so a wife is one in her husband.
John MacArthur described it like this: “The Lord provides for His church because it is so intimately and inseparably connected to Him. If he did not care for His church, He would be diminishing His own glory, which the church brings to Him by praise and obedience. So, in marriage, the husband’s life is so intimately joined to His wife’s that they are one. When he cares for her, he cares for himself.”
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church…”
Think about what Paul is saying here. “No one ever hated his own flesh.” That includes Jesus Christ! He didn’t die because he hated his own flesh. He sacrificed Himself because he loved us! So, the place we need to start, when understanding our marriage is how Christ loves, nourishes and cherishes us! Right? I mean, even though this is a specific study on marriage, everything here is pointing to Christ! So, how does Christ love you and nourish you and cherish you?
Well, we know He does this through sacrifice. Do you sacrifice for your spouse? We know Christ loves us even though we do not deserve it. Is you marriage based on a reward system? Do you treat your spouse differently based on how they do their chores around the house? Do you love your spouse more based on what type of a present they give you for your birthday? We know that Christ nourishes us through His Word. Is your marriage based on being washed in the Word daily? Do you spend any time at all in the Word of God together? Do you even talk about the things of God? We know that Jesus cherishes us so greatly that He died for us. Do you cherish your spouse above your own desires? Do you cherish your spouse above your own wants? Do you cherish your spouse more than you cherish your own life?
“29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.”
There is a lot to understand here as we talk about the body of Christ. Remember back to Ephesians 4 to study the body of Christ. This is what Paul is referring us back to. Ephesians 4:11 — “11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love."
So, what we see here is that the believers in Christ have been given pastors, shepherds and teachers for the purpose of equipping the saints for the work of the ministry. Or as it says here in verse 12… “for the building up of the body of Christ.” And the goal starts in verse 13… “until we all attain to the unity of faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God…” The goal is that we will grow spiritually! That is the purpose of a local body of believers. To come together, to encourage one another to love and good works and to equip one another for the work of the ministry. And as members of the body of Christ, we are nourished and cherished and loved by Christ!
Now, take that same concept and understand your marriage. You are to nourish one another. You are to build one another up. You are to encourage one another. You are to reflect the body of Christ together as a married couple! You see, just as each member in the church body are not given gifts for our own benefit, but for each other, in the same way, you have been given gifts for your spouse’s benefit! The picture of marriage is the same as the body of Christ! Or as it says here, “Christ and the church.”
Christ is the head of the church. That is, Christ is the head of the body. And each of us are a part of the body of Christ. God has made us, as new creations, part of the body of Christ! Understand who we are in Christ. Understand you are in regards to the local body of believers. It is important.
“28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 ‘Therefore…’”
That is, since we are members of the body of Christ. That is, since we are serving one another in the body of Christ. That is, since we are direct reflection of the way that Christ loves us. That is, since your marriage should be a mirror image of the way that Christ loves the church. “Therefore…”
“31 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’”
When you are saved, you are made one in Christ. Also, you are made one with the saints. And the physical picture of the invisible church is the local body of believers. That is, when you join the local church, you are a physical representation of what it looks like to be one in Christ. This is how a covenant in marriage is very similar to a covenant of membership with the local church. Our marriage should be a reflection of Jesus Christ because we are one with each other. And our membership with the local church should be a reflection of Jesus Christ because we are one with Christ and one with each other.
Paul pulls from Genesis 2:24 in saying, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” The purpose of this statement in Genesis was to foreshadow the covenant relationship between Jesus Christ and his bride, The Church. Just as a man leaves his family in order to be united with his wife, Christ left His Father and came to unite Himself with His bride. And the most glorious part of this is that Jesus Christ has returned to His Father after united with us, meaning that we will dwell in the presence of God forever.
Look at the instruction here to “leave his father and mother…” This represents what is comfortable. This represents what is safe. Your marriage should not be comfortable. It should be a reflection of Christ on this earth. This was not Christ’s home. And this is not your home. Christ was actually a missionary on this earth. And your marriage should reflect that of a missionary. You and your spouse are a missionary team! You two are in a foreign land and you are Ambassadors of the King of kings.
The next instructions here are to “hold fast to your wife…” You are a team. As a matter of fact, you have become one together. And your mission together is not to simply get through this life. Your mission together is not to raise your kids. Your mission together is not to get through each day. Your mission together is not to tolerate one another… Your mission is the same as Christ’s mission. — to reconcile the world to God. You, as a team of Ambassadors, have been given the ministry of reconciliation. You are to go into this foreign land an implore the world to be reconciled to God. This is your charge. This is your mission. This is your purpose as a married couple. This is the mystery of marriage that is revealed to us
"32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Even though we are talking about marriage, Paul is mostly talking about the church itself. The local church body is to leave what is comfortable and hold fast to Christ. We are to be devoted to one another in the body of Christ the exact same way that a man and a woman are married. This is why a local church body has a church covenant. It is a serious commitment. It is hard. But it is Biblical. This mystery is profound.
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